And I got on the scale this morning . . .

After Christmas, I decided to lose weight.  I was tired of being fat and I saw how my Dad suffered because he was overweight.  I decided to be different.

In years past, I've usually taken the "easy" way out.  I went on Nutra-System.  Well, the food is just as bad, but these days they don't let you choose what you want to eat--at least not at first.  They make you eat a LOT of pasta and . . . I'm not a big pasta fan.  So why would I want to spend nearly $300 eating stuff that makes me want to hurl?

If I religiously followed Weight Watchers, I would lose weight a lot faster.  But I dohwanna.  Actually, I'm kinda sorta following Weight Watchers because I truly believe it's the only sensible diet there is.  You eat what you want.  Just not in quantities you want.  And I have cut down--but not cut everything out.  (Heck, I had an Abbott's Custard on Friday--but instead of the regular sized one, I had a kiddie cone.  Guess what?  It was just as satisfying as the big one.)

It's been five months now and I've lost 18 pounds.  Yea!

Except for my jeans being a bit baggier, I don't feel like I've lost ANY weight.  I asked Mr. L this morning, "Do I look thinner to you?" and he said, "How can I tell?  I see you every day?"

I think I'll always see myself as FAT, even if I lose another 50 pounds.  I'm like those girls who are anorexic and see themselves as fat . . . only I really AM fat. I just see myself as fatter than I am.

We'll see a large woman in the grocery store and I'll say to Mr. L "Am I as fat as her?" and he always says "No."  But is he lying or do I just see myself as big as these other women?

I really don't have a goal in mind when it comes to weight loss.  More a pants size.  I have brand new jeans in the closet and it would be nice if I could fit into them.  Sadly, at 18 pounds less I still can't get into them.  But they're my current goal.  Once I can get into them, maybe I'll buy another pair of jeans a size smaller.  All I know is I don't want to end up a statistic:  diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic illnesses, and then dead.

I'm working toward that goal one pound at a time.